Interactiveodular
by Eternal Density
Summary: Vala has a question. And a banana. Now with 50% more Jonas and Urgo!
1. The Question

Interactive-odular

Vala bounced into Daniel's office, grasping a ripe banana. "Daniel! I need to ask you a question!"

Daniel set down a fragile stone tablet he was cleaning. "What now?"

"I heard the strangest song and... it mentioned a use for bananas that I didn't know was possible. What do you know about alternate functions of bananas, Daniel?

"Uh... perhaps you should ask someone else," Daniel dodged. "I don't think I can help you." He quickly looked back at his dusty artefact.

Vala shrugged and moved on to find another potential source of information.

"Hey, Vala. What's up?" Cam asked, upon her arrival in the gym.

"Mitchell, I was listening to a song, and it said some rather odd things about bananas. They sounded rather impossible, and I'm trying to find someone who can tell me what I've missed."

"Uh, sorry, I haven't a clue."

"Really? Daniel didn't know either."

"You asked Jackson? Of course you asked him," Cam muttered.

"Never mind, I'll try someone else." She walked through the SGC until she came to the location of another SG-1 member. "Hello, Muscles. That's a lot of candles you have there."

"Indeed."

"So, I was wondering if, since you've been on Earth much longer than me, if you've ever heard a song called Bananaphone..."


	2. Back By Popular Demand

Back by popular demand!

Samantha Carter came across Vala as they were both on the way to the SGC commissary for an evening snack. "How's it going, Vala?" she asked, wanting to be friendly.

"Quite well, in fact. Are you up to anything interesting in the lab?"

"Yes, I found a remarkable source of bio-luminescence. You should really take a look if you have a minute."

"Hmm, I might do that. Perhaps..." Vala was interrupted by a buzzing sound. She reached for her pocket.

Sam saw what Vala was now holding, and her brow furrowed in confusion. "Is that a... banana?"

"Yes, Samantha, it is."

"And it's... vibrating?"

"An excellent observation. I picked it up in a little specialty store Teal'c told me about."

"Teal'c?" Sam found that hard to believe.

"Yes, you'd find it rather interesting. Would you like a closer look?"

"Um, no, actually, I really better check on my samples. They're a bit volatile, and I don't need glowing walls," Sam rambled, before vanishing down the hall.

Vala shrugged and pressed a button. The vibrating stopped. "Hello, Vala speaking. Yes, Muscles, I found one. Yes, 'indeed' is right. You know, I never thought anyone actually made bananaphones, but you never know what the Tauri will come up with. Say, if you see Daniel, could you tell him to call me at, say, elevenish tonight? Great, thanks for your help." She returned the yellow phone to her pocket, and continued her quest for something containing high levels of sugar.

-

Author's Notes:

Wow, I never expected so many people to read this: over 130! Thanks, and I hope you enjoyed this second chapter too.

Also, my favourite (and the first I saw) Bananaphone vid can be found at (youtube dot com goes here)/watch?vcbK-9gHknI (warning: some visible bad language). Enjoy the LOLz, ED.


	3. Now You Can Have Your Phone & Eat It Too

Now You Can Have Your Phone And Eat It Too!

"Daniel," said Vala with a frown, "have you seen my bananaphone lying around? I seem to have mislaid it."

"Never mind your silly phone. There's someone I want you to meet." He urged the woman down the hall, and she reluctantly complied.

"Where are we going, Darling?"

Daniel ignored the pet name, not wanting to start an argument. "Commissary."

"Oh, perhaps I left my bananaphone there," Vala suggested brightly.

"Can you keep your mind on the subject?" Daniel questioned, a little irrationally.

"What's the subject?" Vala wondered.

"Sorry, I forgot to explain. An old friend showed up earlier, having escaped from the Ori. His name is Jonas Quinn, and he was a member of SG-1 while I was…" he made a vague gesture indicative of a glowing squid, or at least something related to ascension.

"Yes, I've heard about him. Not that he was here though. I wondered when I'd have a chance of meeting him."

"Well, now's your chance, he should be right over here. Just try not to…" Whatever Daniel had been trying to say was cut off by a loud cry of pain.

Vala rushed ahead and was confronted by a very sad sight. "My bananaphone!" she wailed.

"My teeth!" Jonas exclaimed in an equally pained voice.

-

Note: I read the GateWorld interview with Corin Nemec last night, but it wasn't until a few minutes ago that I made the connection between this story and Jonas' banana-eating. That explains MEPutney's review… :D


	4. Sing Together!

"Ringringringringringringring!" sang Vala.

"Bananaphone!" chimed Jonas.

"Pingpongpingpongpingpongping!" Vala continued.

"Pananaphone!" Jonas added, with a wide grin.

The pair then began to sing together, "It's no baloney. It ain't a phoney!"

Daniel cleared his throat. Loudly. "Guys?"

Vala looked indignant. "Daniel, can't you see we're singing?"

"Yes. And hear. So can half the base."

"So? It's fun!"

Daniel groaned. "Did you have to teach Jonas that song too?"

Vala looked perplexed. "No, he already knew it. You must have heard it when you were here before, right Jonas?"

"Uh... I don't remember hearing it before. I must have picked it up from you," Jonas answered.

"No, this is the first time we've sung it. But it's not a hard song to learn," Vala rationalised.

Daniel looked suspicious. "Is this some kind of joke you guys cooked up? You were alone off-world for several hours, remember."

"I just took Jonas to see a few of my old haunts, that's all. We weren't gone for long."

"You were gone for hours!"

"Whatever. Let's not argue. It's boring. Now that you've interrupted, I think we should go get something to eat."

"That's a great idea, Vala," Jonas agreed, his face lighting up. "Let's see if they have pie!"

"Mmm, pie. And cake. That would be great."

"And jello. With yogurt," Jonas added.

"Ah, guys? I think you should see Doctor Lam."

"No, we really shouldn't. We really need to eat something," Vala argued.

" You're both acting really strangely. I think you should be checked out by a doctor," Daniel said more firmly.

"That really isn't necessary," Jonas countered.

"What makes you say that?" Daniel questioned.

"I, uh..." Jonas stumbed for an explanation. "Who said that?" Both he and Vala looked around for something.

"What's going on guys?"

"Apparently," they answered, speaking to something Daniel couldn't see.

"Who are you talking to?" Daniel demanded.

"Hello Urgo."


	5. More Fun for Banana Lovers

Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell looked back and forth between Vala and Jonas. "You mean there's really an invisible man in their heads?"

"Not exactly. He's in a microscopic implant in their brains," Doctor Carolyn Lam corrected.

"And the rest of SG-1 have had him in their heads before."

"Been there, done that," Daniel agreed.

"So, I'm the only one who's missed out," Cam concluded.

Sam shook her head. "You're not missing much."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.

"Apart from a rather strong desire to eat large amounts of rather delicious, if fattening, food," Vala explained. "Or to sing songs about phones which are bananas, or bananas which are phones. Or..."

"Or?" Cam prompted.

Vala glanced at Jonas, and than faced an empty part of the room, where Urgo apparently stood. "No. Absolutely not."

"It might be fun," Jonas argued.

"Maybe for you. But even I have standards."

"Come on, Vala, you might enjoy it."

Daniel coughed. "Uh, guys?"

"What, Daniel?" Vala asked, annoyed at being interrupted. "I suppose you want to watch."

Daniel didn't answer, as he was trying not to choke on his tongue.

"Well, I'm not going to do it, so there," Vala declared.

"You might be good at it. Perhaps if we practise?" Jonas suggested.

"No. Absolutely not. Maybe you can do it on your own, or someone else will do it with you. Perhaps Daniel, or Sam, or Cameron, or even the doctor here. And Teal'c may be willing to give it a try, though I don't think it's his sort of thing." She was so wrapped up in her argument that she didn't notice the looks on the listeners' faces, and she momentarily ignored the strangled sounds many of them were producing. "But I absolutely _refuse _to sing 'Put a Banana in Your Ear'."

The room seemed to breath a collective sigh of relief.

"What? Did I miss something?" Vala wondered.

-

Major General Jack O'Neill opened the file attached to the email from Lieutentant Colonel Carter, curious to know why she was sending him SGC security camera footage.

A minute later, he was glad that his chair was designed to be difficult to fall out of while laughing.


	6. Pajama Party

"Ahh, all the members of SG-1 in one room at the same time," Cam happily declared.

"Technically not," Daniel argued, helping himself to a soda. "Colonel Makepeace briefly commanded SG-1."

"Until he was locked up for treason," Sam completed. "And of course there were a large number of probational members we tried out as your replacement, Daniel."

"You mean like Captain Hagman?" Daniel clarified.

"Exactly. What was he, the eighth?"

"Ninth," Teal'c corrected, between bites of cake. "None of them truly became members of SG-1, nor would they fit in this room."

"Urgo's almost a member," Vala joked, what exactly had become of him. He was gone, but like the rest of SG-1 she had no memory of the process.

"And of course there was Lieutenant Tyler," Jack added, ignoring the mention of Urgo.

"Tyler... He was the Reole guy we got the impersonation chemical from, right? Remember when I used that stuff to impersonate Kefflin? Now that was a fun mission."

"It was not," Teal'c disagreed.

"Sorry T, I meant it was fun for me."

"That was the time I beamed Anateo out into space," Vala reminisced. "That was satisfying. But not as satisfying as the time Daniel and I had s..."

*cough*

"...some of the _delicious _chocolate cake they serve in that little bakery beside the bowling alley. You really ought to take me one of these days, Daniel - bowling that is."

"Aren't we going to watch a movie?" Jonas wondered restlessly. "This is a movie night, after all."

"Movie night and pajama party," Sam corrected. "Though I still don't see the reason for the pajama part. Sir?"

Jack smiled a grin which implied doom of the embarrassing sort. "I'll put the movie on, and everything will be clear."

The opening theme began.

"Jack!"

"Daniel?"

"You didn't?"

"I did."

Sam buried her face in her hands.

Teal'c looked stoic.

Cam rolled his eyes but seemed rather amused.

"Bananas..." Jonas observed.

"...in Pajamas?" Vala finished.


	7. Eating Bananaman

"So, Daniel," Vala began.

"Mmhmm."

"Jonas and I were talking about banana-relating things."

"Yeah."

"Apparently there is a fictional 'superhero'; a fellow who, -after eating a banana of course - transforms into 'Bananaman'."

"Okay."

"Also, humans share fifty percent of their genetic material with bananas."

"Sure."

"So, you know that 'retrovirus' that the Pegasus expedition use to turn those nasty Wraith things into humans...?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, we put those three ideas together..."

"Of course."

"And made you this banana split." Vala set a bowl on Daniel's desk.

"What? Oh, thanks."

Vala stared at him. "Daniel?"

"Huh?"

She shook her head, making her black ponytails swing around. "Never mind."

-

"How did it go?" asked Jonas, who was waiting in the commissary.

"Next time we try messing with Daniel," Vala declared, "You'd better remind me to make sure he's actually paying attention first."

"Oh. That was the last banana too," answered Jonas, visibly disappointed.

"That's not the worst of it. It took me ages to make enough sufficiently dirty jokes, and now I've got no way to use them!"


	8. Daniel's Banana

Sam heard a squeal and looked up from her scans of the potentially naquadah-laden sand. Vala had broken off from the rest of the team and was running in her direction. "What's going on?" she asked when the woman had come close enough to hear easily.

"It's Daniel," Vala replied breathlessly.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked in alarm. "Why didn't you radio?"

"Something's interfering with the signal. But nothing's wrong, just unusual. Actually, you're missing out on a lot of fun."

"Fun? Daniel found something fun?"

"Yes, he's got a big banana."

"What?"

"A ginormous banana. It's huge!"

"A banana? As in, it's yellow and you can eat it?"

"It's more of a pinkish colour, but it's certainly shaped like a banana. But much bigger. And he won't let anyone eat it. He says it might not be safe. But it certainly looks delicious. I tried to sneak a taste, and now he won't let me touch it. If you ask me, I think he wants to keep it all to himself, even though I told him it's big enough for everyone. Do you think you could help me convince him to let us try it?"

"Vala, if Daniel says 'no', he means 'no'. It could be toxic to humans!"

"Come on, Sam! I'm sure it's perfectly harmless... even though it's a bit sticky."

"Fine. I'll come and look, if only so I can get back to work."

"Oh thankyou Sam!"

-

"Well?" Vala wanted to know.

"I'm picking up some unusual energy readings from the... banana. If that's what it is."

"I'm sure it is! What kind of energy readings?"

"Very complex, but faint. Daniel, where did this come from?"

"Ahh, it fell out of that tree," Daniel answered, pointing at a very tall piece of vegetation.

"It looks similar to a palm tree. A very tall palm tree. Are there any more around?"

Daniel shook his head. "There's one a few minutes walk away."

"And one in the opposite direction, about the same distance," Cam offered.

"They are in fact spaced and large and regular intervals along the beach," Teal'c reported.

"Curious. I'll need to climb up."

"Up?"

"To the top of the tree."

"Carter, we don't have climbing gear. It's a beach," Cam reminded her.

"It's the right size and rough enough that I can get up and down again without any problems."

"Don't you need to operate your... energy reading detector scanner device?"

"I'll set it to record and clip it to my belt so I can't drop it and have both hands free."

"Fine, just be careful. We need to get to the bottom of this."

"She is in fact getting to the top," Teal'c observed.

-

"Well?" Vala asked again.

"The energy readings are a lot stronger up there, but only around the 'fruit'. But when I analyse the signals... I think they're some kind of antennae."

"Antennae?"

"I believe these 'trees' are organic communications relay stations," Sam admitted.

Daniel blinked. "You mean..."

"Please don't say it," Cam urged.

"It is, in fact, a 'banana phone'," Teal'c intoned.

Vala looked positively gleeful, amid tired sighs from the others.

-

Note:

Now that this chapter is written, it is coincidentally time to eat a banana.


End file.
